Oh, what to do? My little baby is one of the smallest in the church nursery class and a certain class bully has made Chiquitita her target. She takes away toys, pushes her down, smacks her. Not cool. That behavior is never cool, even if it's not my child being targeted. I only heard about it from another mom who happened to be in there one day as a substitute teacher, but apparently it's been going on for awhile. The thought of another person intentionally hurting my offspring fills me with rage (good thing I haven't witnessed the bullying!). But this cannot go on. I am unable to attend the nursery class because I'm teaching a different class, but D went the last two weeks. What do I do when he can't be in church? What would you do if you were me? If you were the teacher of the class? The mom is a nice person, but we have different ways of parenting--she is much more permissive than I am. Fine for them in their home, but this is not their home, and I think it's unfair for one child to make class an unsafe environment for another.
I happen to teach the 3- and 4-year-olds. It's a large class with ten kids. I love this age--the age of discovery and enthusiasm. I also love that Pip is in my class. Some of the kids in class have had to work on being reverent and respectful and less wiggly, but they are all sweet kids. One boy in class has a touching problem though--he cannot resist the urge to touch people and things around him. Constantly. Sometimes it's more than poking too. He will kick or hit on occasion. This is what I do. When he pokes other kids, I move his chair right next to mine and tell him that as soon as he can show me that he can keep his hands to himself, he can go back to his place. Sometimes he stays next to me for the whole class. The other week he hit a little girl so hard that she started crying. I immediately put him in the corner and made him stay there for the rest of class (10-15 minutes). Then I told his mother and the girl's mother about it after class. Was I right to do that? Too harsh? What other option is there with me being the only adult in there? How can I provide a safe and comfortable learning environment for all the kids in class?
And also, how do I tame the mama bear or raging lioness when things like this happen? I'm a pretty patient person, but my patience has a threshold...
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2 comments:
Do you ever get to express your concerns with the presidency? I don't know if I'd put the boy in the corner, but I do think pulling him next to you and talking to his and the girl's parents is a very good idea. I think sometimes you have to have the parents involved to help solve the problem. When I discipline in Primary I do like to be the one to tell the parents first what I've done. I don't want the child telling the parents about the situation and having it misconstrued or having the parents be hesitant to approach me if they are uncomfortable.
Is the parent of the bully in nursery the teacher? Can you talk to the teacher or a presidency member and express your concern? How many nursery teachers are there? Could the bully use some more adult attention? Even if D can't be there, could another adult be in there that keeps the bully's attention away from picking on the little ones. Even if home rules are different, someone (probably the teacher or pres member) needs to explain to a parent what kind of behavior is not permitted in nursery. Like you say this doesn't work when it makes the environment unsafe. I know different children respond in different ways to discipline, so it may be helpful to ask the parent to help correct the behavior or at least to know what the parent has tried to do. We tend to have more behavior problems with older kids in our ward.
As far as the 'touchy' child, time & space is great. Invite a member of the primary presidency to check in on you occasionally and if he is being disruptive send him to his parents. Our primary has a strict no hitting policy, so children are reverently escorted out and sent to their parents.
As far as nursery is concerned talk to the nursery teacher, voice your concerns. If they are not resolved in a timely fashion, go to the primary counselor over nursery. Be vocal, go up the chain of command. Chances are other children are being bullied too and it's going unnoticed.
On a different note, is there a reason you haven't accepted the invitation for the sisters' blog? Did I offend you in some way?
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